Jeff’s new review, “12 Days of Cinema: Guava Island”, is a critique of the Amazon original starring Rihanna and Childish Gambino. It is a story of a bunch of red motherfuckers oppressing a bunch of blue motherfuckers in the dystopian setting of Guava Island, whose chief natural resource is, you guessed it, NOT guava fruit. Nah, it’s fucking blue silk worms. There was not a single guava fruit in that whole goddamn movie.
Jeff claims that he doesn’t follow Gambino because he’s more of an “indie rock guy”. Indie rock? Since when are phat hits like Ocean Man and Smoko indie? Nah, he doesn’t like his music because of songs like This Is America and Sober. As we all know, Jeff hates sobriety and America.
At the end of the review, Jeff praises the film for being “simple”. How fitting that someone as simple as Jeff needs a movie to be made “digestible” for him to enjoy it. He probably wrote that negative review of Once Upon a Time… In Hollywood because they used words with too many syllables, like “pussycat” and “manslaughter”. In all fairness, though, I’d have a hard time with big words, too, if I was vaccinated as many times as Jeff.
Final Verdict: 0/0 guavas
Hard Flickit 