Well, folks, Jeff’s finally entered the podcast game. And now that he has, I realize the missing ingredient in every one of his written Jefflix posts was the human voice. Specifically, the dulcet music emanating from what I can only assume is the hot pink, gaping wet throat of this velvet-tongued, baritone motherfucker. It’s made me realize that none of Jeff’s previously expressed opinions are stupid—they just look stupid when written down or read aloud by anyone else. It’s for this reason that I have to give the inaugural episode of Hard Ticket five stars (on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or wherever I get my podcasts).
Let’s start with a frank discussion of Pulp Fiction. I, like a lot of intelligent and cute boy-next-door types, have had to rethink Quentin Tarantino as I’ve gotten older. I first saw Pulp Fiction when I was 10 years old. My dad watched the movie every weekend while he took a nap, so no one was awake to stop me. The things that stuck out to me about that movie were mostly innocent, the lines and scenes that were understandable to a child. I asked my mom for blueberry pancakes, told my dog I wanted a potbelly, and figured the Klansman next door just really liked quoting movies. Now, as an adult who has adopted more radical political leanings (slurs are bad, exploitation is bad, gimp masks should be mandatory, etc.), I have a different view. The movie feels juvenile, like something that would appeal to a modern 10-year-old, rather than a consenting adult audience.
Speaking of things that are unappealing to consenting adults, let’s talk about the Tate-fuel that is Fight Club. This movie has contributed more to the manosphere than any other, with the possible exception of The Secret Life of Pets. In the episode, Jeff is quick to deny that he is a better feminist than his girlfriend, who loves the movie. I, however, will not hesitate for one second to say I am definitely a better feminist than Jeff’s girlfriend, despite my defining her as an extension of a man (in this case my friend Jeffrey’s Bogger). Fight Club is one of those things that is neither good nor bad, but the effects of it are horrendous. It’s like the killing of the United Healthcare CEO. It’s a morally neutral act, but now I have a horrifically long-lasting erection and my circulation has gone to shit. Tyler Durden’s influence on America is the same—his killer abs assassinated the CEO of my prostate and glans, metaphorically speaking. The difference is the people Tyler Durden gave boners to moved to the alt-right, which is coincidentally how I would best describe the angle of my aforementioned erection.
So in closing, I want to answer one of the questions asked during the episode, and offer a critique of one statement I took issue with. Jeff’s co-host specifically said that he did not wish violence on Andrew Tate. Now look, I understand that there’s always a risk that someone could get demonetized or sued by discussing anything which could be considered violence, however minor the perceived threat. I, however, don’t fuck around with minor shit (unlike Andrew Tate, who I formally endorse violence against). So if I had to pick one historical figure to fight, I wouldn’t pick Jared Leto, if only because I’m writing this from inside his home, waiting for him to come and get this ass-whooping. No, I’d fight Andrew Tate, and as soon as I figure out what kickboxing is, I’m gonna kickbox that smug rapist the fuck to death.
Thanks for reading, and please be sure to (ironically) give Hard Ticket a (satirical) 5-star rating wherever you ironically listen to satirical podcasts.
Hard Flickit 