This week’s episode of Hard Ticket was a 2-on-1 matchup between Sherlock Jr. and The General and Hundreds of Beavers. These three silent films help to establish a theme, criticizing the refusal of US representatives to speak out against the genocide in Gaza. I, for one, support the Hard Ticket boys for standing up for a free Palestine and an end to the unrelated beaver genocide.
Sherlock Jr. and The General are two classic silent comedies known for inspiring the Quiet Place franchise. Back before humanity had invented the “unmute” function, Buster Keaton was an icon of the silver screen (even though technically all screens were some shade of silver until the advent of color movies). Keaton had one major flaw, however. Much like equally celebrated actor Dean Cain, he was a staunch white supremacist. This is best showcased in The General, a movie which takes place during the American Civil War (the first one, for those reading this after its original publication). Keaton’s eponymous general is, of course, on the wrong side of this war. To be clear to my Republican readers, the side fighting for slavery was the wrong one. From the movie itself, however, you wouldn’t know slavery was a factor. The General ignores slavery the way Israeli textbooks ignore the Nakba. This refusal to acknowledge the historic atrocity of slavery may make for a worse movie, but it’s also why I think Keaton would make a great White House Press Secretary.
Hundreds of Beavers, originally available as the worst reviewed audio drama on Spotify, is a very different sort of movie. While the previous choices were silent out of necessity, this film is silent as a choice, like how Democrats chose to stay silent on the issue of genocide in Gaza. Hundreds of Beavers portrays the slapstick slaughter of beavers with panash, suttelty, and other words I can’t spell. I haven’t seen the movie, but based on what I heard from my favorite podcast, Hard Ticket, I’ll be watching it soon. And since it’s silent, I can listen to my favorite podcast while I do so. Listen to Hard Ticket, available wherever beavers are sold.
I think the choice between these two movies is clear. What is less clear is Jeff’s stance on whether or not slapstick is back. He’s flip-flopping like a Latina mother’s chancla (I’m allowed to say that because my mom is Mexican). And if he keeps it up, I’ll have him out of this country faster than a Latino father trying to provide for his family (I’m not allowed to say that because my dad is Scottish). Speaking of ICE, let’s address the question of what to use the exploding “13” ball on. While the IDF would probably use it to assassinate more journalists, I would use it to destroy Sherlock Jr. and The General. Fuck you, Buster Keaton. Eat a giant horse cock in hell—if General Lee doesn’t beat you to it.
Hard Flickit 