Jeff’s new review, “Kung Fu Panda Might Be a Masterpiece”, is a scathing celebration of the 2008 instructional DVD Kung Fu Panda. This animated adaptation of the Wu-Tang Clan’s shared hallucination tells the story of a fat piece of shit with no experience beating someone who devoted their entire lives to pursuing a goal. In that sense, it’s a lot like the 2016 election.
Jeff opens the review by referring to Po as a “big-dreaming, fanboying man-child”. Takes one to know one, buddy. And what the fuck is up with him calling the movie a “forgettable honeytrap”? That’s how I think of his asshole more than this movie.
Jeff seems to love Jack Black’s “iconic” performance as the titular martial artist bear, but in reality, DreamWorks fucked up when they casted him. All it takes is a single trip to Jack Black’s Wikipedia page to see that a children’s movie is the last place he belongs. He’s a former cocaine addict, how is he supposed to be a role model to our children?
Ultimately, this forgettable honeytrap of a review is impossible to recommend. Kung Fu Panda is a movie marketed to kids, yet it’s kung fu themes promote violence. Don’t you think that the guy behind Sandy Hook saw Kung Fu Panda at some point? He would’ve if it weren’t staged, but I can tell you for a fact that the guy who shot up the high school in my town loved this movie. That’s why I can’t endorse this review. Jeff is blatantly supporting murder and the corruption of our children. That’s why he hates this quarantine so much. It means no one’s pulling a Glock out of their Kung Fu Panda backpack in math class.
Final Verdict: 4.6 out of 100 school shootings take place on Sunday
To be clear, not the same Sunday. I don’t think they’re coordinated like that.
Hard Flickit 