Formerly Known As Jefflix My Bean
“Pretty much anyone who knows me could tell you this is my kind of movie right off the bat.” Yep. Jeff is so flagrantly pro-child abuse that he believes we all know it. And we do, but it’s still a little jarring to hear it stated so bluntly in his new review “12 Days of …
Continue reading “Shia LaBeouf Abuses A Child, Jeff Loves It”
Jeff’s new review, “12 Days of Cinema: Knives Out”, is a tantalizing murder mystery in and of itself. The question is this: who killed Jeff’s last brain cell? Jeff calls the movie a “knock-out entry in a long-neglected genre”. Is he forgetting Adam Sandler’s modern masterpiece so aptly entitled “Murder Mystery”? Jeff shouldn’t be throwing …
Continue reading “Jeffrey Bloggess, In The Dining Room, With A Candlestick”
After reading Jeff’s new review of Ford v Ferrari, I’m thankful for one thing: Roe v Wade. I only wish Jeff’s parents felt the same way. Thanks for writing a spoiler-free review, Jeff. I wouldn’t wanna know any important plot points for a racecar movie. Do the cars go fast? Is there gonna be a …
Continue reading “Ford vs Ferrari vs Batman vs Superman vs Brown vs The Board of Education”
Jeff’s new review, “12 Days of Cinema: Jojo Rabbit” gets worse than the low-effort pun in the title, but not much. I may be a lowly, soy-boy beta pagan, but I’m pretty the sure the 12 days of Christmas didn’t start on December 2nd and then skip a day. I don’t know why he’d skip …
Continue reading “BREAKING: Jeff Says Hitler Was “Imaginary””
Upon reading this review, you may come to realize two things: it’s longer than anything ever should be and it’s very poorly written. These are both due to the fact that all I’ve done is copy and paste Jeff’s review and change some words. And it’s still better than his review because he’s a fucking …
Continue reading ““Joker: Not Bad. Not a Masterpiece”: Bad. Not a Masterpiece”
This review is one of Jefflix’s best, if you like run-on sentences about the technical aspects of the film Bohemian Rhapsody, which is a film that has been nominated for an Oscar, which is an award given for accomplishment in the film business, which is an industry built on sexual misconduct and cocaine, which is …
Continue reading “I Finally Read “I Finally Watched Bohemian Rhapsody””
Spider-Man: Far From Home is the best Spider-Man movie yet, even better than than Spider-Man 3. But Jefflix wants to complain about stuff because he’s “honest” or whatever. He’s objectively wrong. This review is filled with flaws the way Shaquille O’Neal’s basement is filled with children. The review opens with the statement “Shoehorning Spider-Man into …
Continue reading ““Far From Home is More of the Same” is More of the Same”
Jefflix’s review of the popular Amazon Prime series is a better read than most, but still suffers from some major flaws. This post is not spoiler-free. When it comes to reviews, we all generally expect a certain level of stupidity from Jefflix, but this is a rare case of decency. I read almost the whole …
Continue reading ““Your Next Binge: The Boys” Has Small PP Energy”
Jefflix reviews the ninth film from esteemed foot fetishist Quentin Tarantino, Once Upon a Time… In Hollywood. Who the fuck thinks Quentin Tarantino is overrated? Vaccine accidents. That’s who. Jefflix claims to respect Tarantino’s violent style, but I’ve never once seen him throw a can at someone’s face. Also, he never once mentions Margot Robbie’s …
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