Formerly Known As Jefflix My Bean
Hello, my children. It’s been quite a long while since Jeff has given us shit content to suckle upon, but in the spirit of the Christmas season, he has risen. I might be confusing Easter and Christmas, but the point is that Jeff finally posted something new. “Monthly Movies”, Jeff’s soft core reboot, is a …
Continue reading ““Monthly Movies”: A Comeback No One Wanted”
Jeff’s new review, “Kung Fu Panda Might Be a Masterpiece”, is a scathing celebration of the 2008 instructional DVD Kung Fu Panda. This animated adaptation of the Wu-Tang Clan’s shared hallucination tells the story of a fat piece of shit with no experience beating someone who devoted their entire lives to pursuing a goal. In …
Continue reading ““Kung Fu Panda Might Be a Masterpiece” Might Not Be a Masterpiece”
2019 was quite a year for Jefflix. We saw some of Jeff’s worst work yet, but most importantly, I began studying him in an effort to document his every incoherent syllable. Here’s a look back at the best and worst of 2019, however interchangeable they may be. Most Overlooked: “12 Days of Cinema: The Rise …
Jeff’s newest post finishes out his 12 Days of Cinema series, which ended the day after Christmas, just like in the Bible. “12 Days of Cinema: The Irishman” is a critique of not only the Netflix original movie centered around Jimmy Hoffa’s quest to continue touching Frank Sheeran’s daughter way too much, but also the …
In his new review, “12 Days of Cinema: Late Night”, Jeff critiques the absolute blockbuster starring Mindy Kaling and a David Bowie lookalike in a pantsuit. Jeff calls the movie a “box office bomb”, which is completely offensive, not to mention, hypocritical. Survachelors was his finest work, and it didn’t even come close to $15.5M …
Jeff’s new review, “12 Days of Cinema: The Last Black Man in San Francisco”, is a critique of the long-awaited reboot of Ice Cube’s family classic, Are We Done Yet? Unfortunately, Jeff’s honky ass lacks the perspective to understand the deep history of discrimination that shaped either of these films. Also, there is kind of …
In his new review, “12 Days of Cinema: The Lighthouse”, Jeff manages to weave together one of his most meta reviews yet. The Lighthouse is a story of slipping sanity and homoerotic tension between tween heartthrobs Robert Pattinson and Willem Dafoe. Jeff’s review mirrors this slow decline into madness, skillfully playing with the line between …
Jeff’s new review, “12 Days of Cinema: A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood”, is a critique of the movie starring America’s favorite mediocre white guy with a dream, Tom Hanks. Once again, Jeff’s big complaint is that a biopic isn’t historically accurate. We suffered through his Bohemian Rhapsody review, and now it’s happening again. Of …
Jeff’s new review, “12 Days of Cinema: Guava Island”, is a critique of the Amazon original starring Rihanna and Childish Gambino. It is a story of a bunch of red motherfuckers oppressing a bunch of blue motherfuckers in the dystopian setting of Guava Island, whose chief natural resource is, you guessed it, NOT guava fruit. …
Jeff’s newest review, “12 Days of Cinema: Marriage Story”, focuses on the Netflix original movie where Kylo Ren and Black Widow get a divorce. My only complaint for the movie is that it wasn’t on Disney+. Way to brag about your “stable, loving family”, Jeff. And in the second fucking paragraph no less. Are you …
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